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epiicer:

If you say “old sport” three times in front of your mirror Gatsby will appear and awkwardly hit on your wife

rapewhistled:

citgo:

i wish peanut butter never existed

goddammitfenton:

if you ever feel bad about yourself, just remember this one time in my english class, we were writing horror stories and one of the girls wrote “it was friday the 13th, the night before halloween” for her opening sentence

colfricans:

why have gender roles when you could have pizza rolls

(Source: mlissuh)

realhumanbaby:

Someone’s probably in love with you right now, even though you think you’re boring and stupid and smell bad most of the time, someone probably saw you last week and wiped their sweaty hands on the insides of their pockets and thought about your body under your clothing and about how you would look asleep in their bed.